Please select an author to view quotes just by them:    Select an author --Show all-- A little boy in Wales ajonamous Alan to everyone Alistair King An American Anna W Anonymous Benna and Jeth Beth Beth and Jenna Beth B Beth B, after Vicki B shut the door on the pizza man Beth mishearing Jonathan Beth's Writing Contexts Class Beth's Writing Contexts Teacher Beth, 18 September 2005. beth, since everyone else put a bellybutton quote. Beverly L Cathy L Cathy, Louise and Vicki Craig K Dan S Demelza A dude Fran Blomberg Fran Blomberg, Giles Claussen Hallmark graduation card Jenna Jessica Roberto Jonathan G (Pastor, Sanctuary) Jonathan L Jonathan L, in a verrrry high voice Jonathan, on the phone with BT tech support Leslie W Liam H Louise H Michael S Nick B Nicola C Nicola L Paddy H Rachel B Sean Sean/ Brad Pitt Tim S Two Americans Vicki B

This is all the quotes of the day with the newest at the top.

"He can do anything. He can use his Go Go Jesus Arms" - Beth

"I'm not expected to think here" - Alistair King

"Get the bags together baby, we;re going to sainsbury's!!" - jonathan l

"I'll take care of him; I'll throw him in the pond. Which we don't have. Yet." - Jonathan L

"I love you as much as a train with 29 boxcars full of bugatti veyrons and Lewis Hamilton with his formula 1 car on the end, driven by Clive" - Jonathan L

"You could fill a pillow with me." - Dan S

"I need to recharge my headpod" Beth L "You need to recharge your brain" - Jonathan L

"Craig and his army of undead babies" - Jonathan L

"...I have deformed my bungee. :(" - Dan S

"Bread doesn't exist" - Jonathan L

"hey diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle, I jumped over the moon" beth " I'm not that surprised" - Jonathan L

"My website is better than facebook cuz i don't make all these changes that get rid of your privacy. With my website there never was any privacy." - Jonathan L

"I have a happy wife, who has a happy job, in a happy place, where Jesus lives.... Is it a mental hospital?" - Jonathan L

"Badgering? That sounds rather erotic" - Demelza A "Only for the badger" - Craig K

"It kinda takes the fun out of being raped" - Anonymous

"Can you get the Sunday Roast on another day?" "I don't think anyone in this country has ever asked that question" - Two Americans

"Do they have salad in England?" - An American

"Let's hope Fulham does better this year" - Jonathan, on the phone with BT tech support

"Ok, but before you go let me eyebrow you. Is this some kind of fetish?" - Jonathan L

"I've been discarded like a cheap chicken" - Jonathan L

"I wish I could be frosty... the snowman, the biggest goof in town" - Jonathan L

"Go away you banana-faced perv" - Beth B

"you're going the wrong way!" - beth "Not even superheros get st right all the time" - Jonathan L

"That is so gentle. I wish he would caress me like that" - ajonamous

"If I'm feeling broody I will probably just get a dog" - Demelza A

"I should get married more often" - Jonathan L

"Thoise people soudn like Ewoks"-Jonathan, "They're Chinese you dimwit!" - Beth

"Pirate attack! It's the only way men can have babies" - Jonathan L

"I'd love to be able to say I'm listening to you" - Jonathan L

"Stop Wriggling!" - Beth B

"Rockabye baby, on the tree top. When the bough breaks the baby will be electrocuted" - Beth B

"Why are my feet blue? Why are my THIGHS blue? WHY AM I ASMURF? " - Leslie W

"Is that going to bethe name of our first child? Andy Goldsparkle?" - Jonathan L

"Chubby want a cracker? Tough, you're not having one; it's what made you chubby" - Jonathan L

"I can sing in a musical dooby dooby doo" - Jonathan L, in a verrrry high voice

"Oh rubbish I'm bouncing poo around" - Cathy L

"How will we cut the grass? We have no mower" - Beth B "napalm" - Jonathan L

"Well that's good, obviously lesbians do it for my computer" - Demelza A

"watch out or i'll get old and shify o your butt" - Jonathan L

"That was in my hardcore days" - Jonathan L

"The question is, do I want barbecue sauce on my Meatpacker?" - Dan S

"I don't have one of those. That's a s[pecial attachment that costs 49.95" - Jonathan L

"And YOU don't SEE!" - Louise H

"You don't say" - Nicola C

"What are you, blind or something?" - Louise H

"I'm fluffed already" - Demelza A

"I stopped to smell a rose and got preganant" - Beth mishearing Jonathan

"What makes you think i want to stick my finger in your belly-button?" - Craig K "Not even a little bit?" - Dan S

"That sounds like a tardis... Vicki, get in the fridge!" - Anna W

"Look, Craig and Demelza are having fun." - Beth. "No, he's just hypnotising her" - Jonathan L

"I live in perpetual fear of potatoes" - Jonathan L

"Beth Hovercraft? Oh, Havencroft, I get it" - Craig K

"I swapped you for a moldy loaf of bread and 2 cans of fish" - Cathy L

"and i mostly managed to catch beth" - Jonathan L

"you two are very off-putting" - Demelza A

"i know lots of feisty girls" - Michael S

"wow you're so flat!" - Jonathan L

"I can't even remember what we're talking about" - Jonathan L

"I want a 'green turbo speed iron'!!! Oh, it's steam iron..."" - Beth B

"I have a non-pregnant craving" - Craig K

"Hey, I'm not THAT blonde!" - Nicola C

"So basically Ratty, youre a blonde, Essex lesbian" - Louise H

"Another way I communicate with my American friends is through my tight dance moves" - dude

"I remember you when you were too small for your ears" - Rachel B

"It's not consensual, I'm just being molested" - Louise H

"It's nice to feel used" - Nicola C

"Paddy, will you go out with Louise so that she can become a lesbian? " - Jonathan L

"Paddy, will you go out with Louise so ha " - Nicola C

"I'd rather be an Essex lesbian than a chav or a tart" - Nicola C

"apprently myself and jonners are going to abuse eachother" - Louise H

"Oi! I'm not THAT blonde" - Nicola C

"In my day, your mother just gave a you a jar of vaseline and that was it." - Anonymous

"I'm wearing a blanket; don't let the Bulgarians in!" - Beth B

"I will wee when you are weeping, when you laugh I'll laugh withyou" - Beth B

"I'm ppendix-free, but I have three bellybuttons" - beth, since everyone else put a bellybutton quote.

"Stop pretend-sexing me! I'm trying to clean your belly button" - Anonymous

"Your bellybutton looks like the eye of Sauron" - Cathy L

"So address it to "Uncle Whatsit and His Lady"" - Jonathan L

"Who does this? 'A standard die with 6 faces is rolled. If a 1 or a 6 is obtained, 2 balls from bag A are chosen. If otherwise, 2 from bag B.'" - Rachel B. "Are the balls magic?" - Beth B. "No. They're green and red and what they do is come out of a bag." - Rachel B

"Around here we help carry each other's balls" - Fran Blomberg, Giles Claussen

"No more pencils, no more books... no more money - Get a job!" - Hallmark graduation card

"Good Nelly, haven't you heard of tact? Even I know what it is, even if I choose not to employ it." - Rachel B

"The fat nuns told me. They are knowledgeable" - Jonathan L

"We have a new garden gnome?" - Fran Blomberg

"I'm not greedy, I just eat more" - Nick B

"Stop turning me upside down!" - Cathy L

"I'm not leading you on, I'm talking about toast" - Cathy L

"A lady must have decorum at all times, except if she's in Asda and wants to skip a bit" - Cathy L

"I just want to ruffle Dr. Who's hair" - Cathy L

"You look like a dolphin" - Beth. "Oh, I was going for a seal" - Jonathan L

"Mine at home is in a bigger box" - Nick B

"Nick's hands are so soft" - Jonathan L

"I'm more than just hair " - Nick B

"That's a day well-spent: Magnums, duck porn and David Tennant" - Cathy, Louise and Vicki

"No Vicki, the ducks aren't sneezing" - Louise H

"Jonathan doesn't strike me as the coolest guy ever" - Beth, 18 September 2005.

"Jonathan, because you are a pirate, can you get that pot down?" - Beth B

"let's kill him!" - Jessica Roberto

"I saw Pao!" - Leslie W

"Euh!" - Leslie W

"I smell like pomegranets; wanna be my friend?" - Beth B

"Dang it, I can't see. Let's tax the Americans!" - Beth B

"Is this green thing your soap? Cuz I'm using it" - Leslie W

"But not with Jonathan.... Gooble! Gooble! Gooble!" - Leslie W

"It's cow juice and borwnie poo" - Jessica Roberto

"Fireworks! Fireworks! Fireworks!" - Leslie W

"He's making another film cuz he's a turdmonkey! Hey! Hey! Hey! He's making another film cuz he's a turdmonkey!" - Leslie W

"Doris is dead!" - Leslie W

"Actually, Leslie, that's Morgan Freeman" - Sean

"He's a NUTBAG!" - Sean/ Brad Pitt

"George Woman could be an Eliot!" - Jonathan L

"Since U Been Sean!" - Leslie W

"Be-e-e-e-e-thuh!" - Leslie W

"I don't want to talk about it" - Leslie W

"Baby, we shoudl do this every Wednesday!" - Jessica Roberto

"Don't prod my fat" - Jonathan L

"I do TRY not to be naked on Facebook..." - Dan S

"hip deep in pants, which to be honest is the correct depth" - Dan S

"Quick, jump out of the car and see if it's invisible" - Beth B, "You do that Beth" - Beverly L

"Finishing a degree shouldn't be like falling off a cliff" - Beth's Writing Contexts Teacher

"i need to get knocked up" - Jonathan L

"if i had sideburns i wouldn't have them" - Jonathan L

"wipe off my finger u yet slobbery fool" - Beth B

"its easier to get married than 2 get a bank account in this country.." - Beth B

"you might not be a dog, but you still like your tummy rubbed" - Craig K

"I say all off in one, none of this nit-picking" - Demelza A

"It floats automatically. unless it sinks." - Jonathan L

""Can we live in a houseboat?" " - Jonathan L

"monkey bracket out foo on a new line" - Dan S

"You know when you really have to pee and then you go and you're like, "aaahhhhhhhhhhhhh."? That's how my feet feel right now" - Benna and Jeth

"How do you say "yay" in spanish? AAAAAIIIIIIII!" - Beth and Jenna

"oops I sat on my goldfish" - Jenna

"What if the earth stopped moving? What would the moon do?" - Beth B

"Ahhhh... my ears are tingling. Try it!" - Beth B

"I am trying to eat my pizza and you keep talking about floating pee" - Beth B

""How does Henry VIII pee in battle?" "He has a willycup just like astronauts"" - Benna and Jeth

"Hang on, I am distributing the egg." - Jenna

"I feel like one half of a schizophrenic" - Craig K

"can I play zoomabean? Its a bean that goes fast" - Jonathan L

""You can pitch any book you want" Teacher. "Any book?" Classmate. "Any book." Teacher. "Can we pitch the Bible?" Classmate. "If you know which publisher will take it." Teacher" - Beth's Writing Contexts Class

"I may just be soaking your hair in lemonade for no reason" - Beth B

"It's like doing tech support for a hamster on crack, with a dartboard and a printout of the world wide web " - Dan S

"It's not sunny. It's night time" - Jonathan L

"Do you think he wanted a tip?" - Beth B, after Vicki B shut the door on the pizza man

"a man who can lose with grace is a gentleman indeed" - Beth "inside I'm killing everyone" - Jonathan L

"At the next full moon... turn right" - Dan S

"I'm not violent, I just like hitting people" - Nick B

"It's all about inflatable sharks" - Paddy H

"I like carnival workers and choir boys" - Nicola L

"Of course it's long. It's the Bible, Darling" - Jonathan G (Pastor, Sanctuary)

"President's day... it's like bank holiday, only more American" - Rachel B

"I am a flipping machine" - Louise "At least you didn't say tossing machine!" - Anna W

"How can you have a crush on Christopher Robin?" - Beth B

"I don't imagine Victoria Beckham wearing pants" - Vicki B

"It suddenly occurred to me that the drawer was empty so my eyes alighted on the fertile tree of underpants growing in Craig's room. Ah my life is made so much simpler by the little known knickerfruit of Bolivia." - Dan S

"It's not one of my lifelong ambitions to become a duck" - Louise H

"I would like to have a kitchen party and everyone has to dress like a blender" - Beth B

"I was using my ass because I was too busy with my face. You know, because the two are interchangeable on bad days..." - Dan S

"Everyone needs metaphorical balls" - Louise H "I don't" - Tim S

"If you can't stick a pen in a duck what is the world coming to?" - Cathy L

"Nuns aren't fat!" - Beth B"The ones in my head are" - Jonathan L

"What if you had knickers with road signs on them? "Men at work" "strong winds may exist" "hard hats must be worn in this area" "STOP" "yeild to pedestrians"" - Anonymous

"You can't go wrong with handbags. Except for that huge green one." - Beth B

"So make a stupid people corner for them to go in" - Rachel B

"I get painted regularly" - Demelza A

"What's that thing where you forget things?" - Nicola C

"If I got locked in here overnight I woudl have to wrap myself in toilet paper" - Cathy L

"Galoshes!" - Beth B

"Welly style!" - Demelza A

"The only place I ever lose weight is my fingers" - Nicola C

"Jonathan, if you come back to mine, I'll show you my socks" - Vicki B

"i was laying in bed listening 2 linkin park and scratching my face with my foot" - Jonathan L

"Danger is near! water is near! Demelza is near!" - Cathy L

""He looks like he has ears" - Anna ... "I DO have ears!" - Jonathan L

"I don't want anyone to see my breasts!" - Jonathan L

"I don't even read your diary anymore" - Jonathan L

"Why are you asking me about optical illusions?" - Nicola C

"stop bullying me for being retarded" - Liam H

"I'm having second thoughts, Cathy, how do you feel about becoming a lesbian" - Beth B

"It's fun to go through cactuses but they slow you down" - Beth B

"Given where is was located I assumed it was for the monkey" - Craig K

"You can't glomp a sprite bottle; there has to be love" - Cathy L

"Don't touch me! I'm fluffed and ready to go!!" - Cathy L

"Do you want this jar of bolognaise? I found it in a bush" - Alan to everyone

"Get your head off our fridge!" - Cathy L

"Was that you falling over or trying to dance?" - Craig K

"Stop fondling the strawberries" - Craig K

"I just want you to leave the cheesecake alone! How have you screwed up a cheesecake this much?" - Craig K

"Shakespeare would have thought it was very erotic" - Beth B

"I'm too busy sawing a strawberry" - Jonathan L

"Do you not approve of kissing slippers?" - Nicola C

"Mummy, can we go to the zoo and feed the lion some ham?" - Nicola C

"Oh look it's a post. No wait... I's Jonathan" - Nicola C

"So... imagine a ball and you cut it in half. Then you have half a ball" - Nicola C

"Footsteps... in the walk of shame!" - Beth B

"What I'm talking about is little turtles" - Jonathan L

"Most women are domesticated" - Jonathan L

"I'm going to grow me a performing stretched donkey" - Cathy L

"Get some spider bait.... Like what? I don't know, some sausages or something?" - Craig K

"If Tim comes he will be the vegetarian option" - Beth B

"If they really want to they can get it wet themselves." - Jonathan L

"Haha! I bet you never thought you would be flipped by your own sausages!" - Craig K

"I'm quite toned" - Jonathan L

"Mummy, I've had a good idea. If we throw out all the cars then we can ride horses. Then we won't kill ourselves." - A little boy in Wales

"I'm losing weight from my sumo-wrestling days" - Jonathan L

"I knew it wouldn't hit you" - Jonathan L

"I am devoting my life to cleaning his [Jonathan's] sock fluff" - Beth B

"My belly is so full of bacon and brie, bacon and brie, bacon and brie" - Beth B

"That's the first time the Bible has been mistaken for sausages" - Craig K

"You were in my way whilst I was trying to squirt the monkey!" - Craig K

"Oh, that's where the pizza goes." - Beverly L