Last night I was given a rather difficult task. On the face of it appeared to be something could be done in 30 seconds, but in reality it took me all evening. To give myself a little credit I wasn’t working on it all evening, not even close, but it did dominate my mind.

I was asked to write a comment card for my granddads funeral this Monday. Because of how it as being done it is being sent off this morning.

I sat and looked at it for quite a while trying to sum-up what he meant to me on the space of a postcard. I realised I could do this. It actually brought me to tears and I was fighting them of for the rest of the evening. Then I considered leaving it blank or just signing my name. I realised people would probably think I was just being rude/insulting by effectively saying he didn’t mean anything to me. I wondered about simply explaining that I didn’t know what to put on the card because I could not find the words. I then realised I was turning it into a complicated writing exercise and put it down on my desk and left it.

I didn’t pick it up until just before I crawled into bed. I still didn’t know what to put and silly as it may sound I’m sure my hand was shaking a little.

I ended up just writing the first thing that came to mind at that moment. I don’t even remember what I put. I don’t want to remember what I put either. I put the card downstairs on the kitchen worktop without reading a single word of it.

I’m sure whatever I wrote wasn’t right, but at the end of the day I think all that matters is I’m there to mark respect for a man I’m finding it hard without.