Its seems that all the snails across the town where I live have got together and decided to have a “get in everyone’s way day”. From walking around outside for the past few hours I heard at least 4 crush beneath my feet and narrowly avoided those numbering in tens (I would guess in the region of 30). There was even an incident where the surface I was walking on suddenly had gravel on, which once stepped upon gave a sound very much like that that is given out by a crushed snail. I did move back several paces and confirm that this was not a snail (in the interest of keeping the numbers accurate). This does however make sense, as 2 days ago I was driving across town taking a friend home (a round trip of 10mins) when I had to avoid 2 hedgehogs. I have never before seen 1 hedgehog on the road before, let alone 2. The most plausible reason for these past events that I can conclude from this are that each type of animal throughout this area is taking a turn each day in a bid to reduce their numbers given the large quantities of our natural resources that they are taking up (namely in oxygen). I therefore thank the animals of this area in their bid to do something for the environment.

It occurred to me as we were driving through France on the most recent family holiday that we should try and introduce a genetically modified fly into the fly population of the world. Its most important attribute (other than killing off current flies to make it self the dominant species) is to be water-soluble. This way when you have several flies splattered across your windscreen your windscreen washer will be more effective at removing the annoying smears left by their innards.

The “baby on board” has been about the only “iconic” thing ever sold by Mothercare. It has been copied the country over by manufactures and I have no doubt has infiltrated itself into the cars of most well developed countries. It is however a sign that to this day I still see no purpose for. The best guess I have (which does seem to be the only real possible answer) is that it is there to inform drivers behind you to be careful (i.e not to crash into them). However, this makes little sense for several reasons. Firstly, if I were going to crash it is quite probable that I can do nothing to avoid that car. Am I sure like most people, I don’t want to crash the car. Secondly, if I were to crash, surely it makes more sense that I kill a baby (baby lovers of the world hold your horses, have no fear, there is logic). With a baby there is no certainty that it will reach the age of say 20, however, if I hit a car with a 20yearold in, we know full well they will get to 20, as they have done it. As the purpose of a race is to further itself (numbers wise) then we want the greatest chance to multiply, and that means knocking off the child that is less likely to reach the age where it can multiply. Surly if this is the case, we should now (like many boyracers already seem to) target these cars. My advice, remove these signs now.