I keep thinking I should be feeling really odd at the moment. I keep thinking I shouldn’t just be working as normal and life should not just be carrying on. It is though, and it’s not really bothering me…

Tonight my granddad died in the nursing home he has been living in for about the past 3-4 weeks. We all knew this was coming. To be fair it’s been coming for sometime and it was guessed he wouldn’t make it much longer. He was a smoker for most of his life and combined with a bad back this caused him huge amounts of trouble breathing. He had been in and out of hospital quite a number of times

Ok, I take some of that back, I think it just hadn’t hit me yet. I haven’t cried like this in quite some time, but I would rather finish this and get it out of so at least I can sleep.

I was just thinking about the following and it’s just triggered me and now I can’t stop:

The last time I saw him was about 2 weeks ago down in the home. I went down with my brothers and my dad to visit him and to show him the holiday photos he hadn’t seen. Alastair (my brother) is rather good at his art and he had always got along well on this subject with my granddad and they could both talk about painting and such for ages. Well Alastair brought down an oil painting which he has done for part of his art coursework and granddad thought it was a present for him. He was a bit upset when he was told he couldn’t keep it down there. We told him he could have it when it was marked. I knew full well he wasn’t going to live long enough to see it, and he didn’t.

And with that I think I just need to sleep.