Me

Its seems that all the snails across the town where I live have got together and decided to have a “get in everyone’s way day”. From walking around outside for the past few hours I heard at least 4 crush beneath my feet and narrowly avoided those numbering in tens (I would guess in the region of 30). There was even an incident where the surface I was walking on suddenly had gravel on, which once stepped upon gave a sound very much like that that is given out by a crushed snail. I did move back several paces and confirm that this was not a snail (in the interest of keeping the numbers accurate). This does however make sense, as 2 days ago I was driving across town taking a friend home (a round trip of 10mins) when I had to avoid 2 hedgehogs. I have never before seen 1 hedgehog on the road before, let alone 2. The most plausible reason for these past events that I can conclude from this are that each type of animal throughout this area is taking a turn each day in a bid to reduce their numbers given the large quantities of our natural resources that they are taking up (namely in oxygen). I therefore thank the animals of this area in their bid to do something for the environment.

It occurred to me as we were driving through France on the most recent family holiday that we should try and introduce a genetically modified fly into the fly population of the world. Its most important attribute (other than killing off current flies to make it self the dominant species) is to be water-soluble. This way when you have several flies splattered across your windscreen your windscreen washer will be more effective at removing the annoying smears left by their innards.

The “baby on board” has been about the only “iconic” thing ever sold by Mothercare. It has been copied the country over by manufactures and I have no doubt has infiltrated itself into the cars of most well developed countries. It is however a sign that to this day I still see no purpose for. The best guess I have (which does seem to be the only real possible answer) is that it is there to inform drivers behind you to be careful (i.e not to crash into them). However, this makes little sense for several reasons. Firstly, if I were going to crash it is quite probable that I can do nothing to avoid that car. Am I sure like most people, I don’t want to crash the car. Secondly, if I were to crash, surely it makes more sense that I kill a baby (baby lovers of the world hold your horses, have no fear, there is logic). With a baby there is no certainty that it will reach the age of say 20, however, if I hit a car with a 20yearold in, we know full well they will get to 20, as they have done it. As the purpose of a race is to further itself (numbers wise) then we want the greatest chance to multiply, and that means knocking off the child that is less likely to reach the age where it can multiply. Surly if this is the case, we should now (like many boyracers already seem to) target these cars. My advice, remove these signs now.

ah the great art of procrastination

i still have a huge amount of work due in this week. A databases assignment on Tuesday, my hardware logbook on Wednesday, my HCI assignment on Thursday and somewhere in this i have to write (along with the other two members of my group) a presentation to be given on Wednesday. I can not impress upon you the amount i still have to do.

So here is a list of things i have done this last week to make sure i didn’t have to get on with my work

written in my LJ
driven round in the car
cleared parts of the loft
helped my dad in re-boarding the loft
got the aerial for my TV sorted
started work on getting msn not to crash
started teaching myself video editing (cloning, masking etc)
tried to sort out Perl on my web server
tried to sort out ftp logins on my site
setup some more ftp logins
read almost everything on the golivewire forum
tidied my room (a little)
started sorting my college paperwork
sent out some emails to some people i didn’t really need to now
had a friend over for the day
when to church
went to my grand parents
done some photo editing
made ice-cream
sorted through some boxes
watched the entire Yes Prime Minister series 2
watched way too much TV
spent a very long time over my lunch
defragged my computer
helped at beavers
moulded random shapes out of blue tack
tried to fix the sound drivers on my computer
re-wired my PC
went into town
went for a walk
browsed far too much on online shopping sites
started organising my desktop a little. it looked like this
sharpened my knife collection
talked to lots of people on MSN and Yahoo

there is so much more, but i just cant think of it at the moment

Well, there I was having a nice drink with a few friends down the pub…and mid conversation…well, to be honest, it just turned to sex…the subject that is. I still profess that this had little to do with me…I blame Andy. Anyway, so Andy’s friend (who’s name chooses to escape me at this particular moment) was talking about a girl who was, as he put it “quite fit”, and he was saying…(and this is another quote)…”all things aside I wouldn’t say no”. Now I think as the subject was sex, we can assume this was what he meant….for the slow, this would translate what he said to “all things aside I wouldn’t say no to sex with her”. At which point, I (in a particularly pedantic mood) piped up…”well, ‘all things aside’ seems to cover most things, its sort of like saying, ‘yes, id love to have sex with her, despite she is a he, and he is a elephant’…” I was greeted with a moments silence, and then…”hang on a min, your right”. As such, I have decided that it is a really silly saying and should not be allowed….so everyone I know should consider themselves banned from using it…

*end of public announcement*