A load of food for thought

Humour. It’s an odd thing really. What makes some people find something funny, and other, not only do they not find it funny, they don’t even get it? How can you define humour. Is it just something that makes you laugh? What is laughing anyway, is it just you body telling you that you are beyond help? I always heard it was I sign of stress, so then why do we do it when we are not stressed as well. Perhaps we are stressed all the time and we just don’t notice it much? People tell me I think too much. In fact, actually, I think it’s only Craig Ackland, so really, its not “people tell me I think too much” it’s “a person tells me I think too much”. Maybe I do, that would explain the last couple of pages, but can you ever think too much? Isn’t the human race just naturally curious. This is why when there is a car accident or something like that, even when there is no disruption to the road, and it is clear, there is always a queue. It’s because people have slowed down to have look. We just seem to want to take a good look at other misfortune. Perhaps this is so that in the future, we may avoid such an incident. Maybe this has come from our early beginnings when we were just looking to go forth, multiply, and survive. But then we are back to the humour. Isn’t there the sick joke, or satanical humour? (Well, I know there is, it was a rhetorical question). If so, it can’t just be that we are looking to ensure we avoid such an incident, maybe it’s because we actually enjoy seeing others suffer. This might also explain the nation’s fascination with the soap opera. The chance to see your favourite characters every week fall in to some kind of mortal danger, you get to see hundreds upon hundreds of them kick the bucket in ever more fanciful ways. To quickly return to my earlier gripe with the spell checker, it now also doesn’t like the word “satanical”, I’m sure this is a word. I have just this second looked in my Collins dictionary (and no, they don’t sponsor me! (I wish!)) And according to that, it is a word. So I hereby launch my complaint to Microsoft that such an important word to the English language has not bee included in their dictionary.
This has just reminded me of a story that somewhat concerned me recently. The English Navy now has a Satanist aboard one of its submarines. This in itself is bad enough, but a judge has ruled allowing him to carry out satanic rituals whilst serving. This is in the same way that members of the Royal Navy are allowed to have time to pray etc. Now in all for equality, but what the hell (poor joke) is a Satanist doing aboard a British Navy submarine. Was the judge not aware of the problems this could lead too? “well, you said I could carry out my rituals, well, its part of my religion to sacrifice the odd person now and then, you know, just to keep Satan happy an all” What has the world come to?
As I way typing that last passage I became more and more frustrated with that good old corner stone of modern society, Microsoft Word™. When I typed the word “Satan” without a capital “s” at the start, It put that little red line under it indicating it was spelt wrong. However when I changed the “s” to a capital, then away went my friend the red line, indicating it was now spelt correctly. Now unless I’m very much mistaken, I haven’t changed the spelling (please do correct me if I’m wrong). If anything, the green line should have been used indication a problem with the grammar, but no, good old Microsoft common sense strikes again! This later happened with another word, “British”. Now you would have thought that I package like Word would be able to rectify this simple mistake for me, it’s not much to ask, to capitalise a letter is it. Well, it appears this is dependant upon the word. If you type the word Microsoft, then suddenly, before your very eyes, the capitalisation of the first letter, funny that!


The mind

Isn’t it quite amazing what comes out of the brain when you let it slip in to neutral, when you allow it just that little bit of freedom it so yearns for. It continuously tries to make sense of a world this is so famously without logic or reason. I suppose it’s like a mathematician tying to devise an equation for love. It simply can’t be done, but that doesn’t stop them trying. The brain seems to look for a reason for everything. An apple fell on my head…hmm what is this that caused that, I know, it’s a magical force that we can’t see. Well now it’s obvious that it’s gravity, a force that is know, accepted and measured, but back in the day when an apple first crossed Newton’s path, this was an alien concept. What caused his brain to devise a later proven magical force? Why was it that apple that did it? Why not another? He must of seen so many things fall from the sky, the table, a tree, but what was it about his mind that made that one click on something. Why is it I’m so curious? I hate to leave you with unanswered questions but when I started typing I had no idea that I was going to end up on the subject of gravity, so perhaps it would be interesting to know what led my mind to it?


The wonder of the spell checker

As I write (type) this, it occurs to me that the spell checker, which to my parents disgust I rely upon heavily, continues to complain at my use of the abbreviation “i’m”. This strikes me as very weird. As far as I can tell it is just two words, “i” and “am”, thus by saying, “I’m” I am in fact saying “I am”. For example, “I am disgusted with the way you constructed that sentence” and “I’m disgusted with the way you constructed that sentence”. Both as far as I can see mean the same thing, and both make sense (to me at least) but not to my dear friend the spell checker who continues to harris me greatly on the matter.



I feel i must for anyone who cares post the recent comments of a friend of mine after the recent re-election of that ******** know as BUSH


We all know the score, Republican son wants to copy his father in every
way, cheats in an election and becomes President of the USA. But here’s the twist he then gets elected for a second term, pretty bad story right?
It amazes me how so many people can simultaneously mark themselves for extermination on my black list in one go, and what is more the electoral register knows where they all live :-).

Many people say that this is the way that democracy works, it is there to accept the people’s decision and run with it. Clearly they have never studied political history, one of the founding principles of liberal democracy was that the voter must vote responsibly, did they, let’s look at the comparison in candidates.

(Bush) One of the only two Presidents to have an IQ below 100.
(Kerry) Very successful lawyer.
(Bush) Has been a serious alcoholic.
(Kerry) Has been responsible his whole life.
(Bush) Has crashed: cars, boats and planes.
(Kerry) Has used vehicles in a variety of combat situations.
(Bush) Cant string two sentences together.
(Kerry) Author.
(Bush) Bought up a failing oil well and sold it on fraudulently.
(Kerry) Didn’t.
(Bush) Used his father’s position to give compulsory purchase orders on people’s homes in order to build a baseball stadium.
(Kerry) Didn’t do that either.
(Bush) Got involved in a multi-billion bank fraud claim, daddy got him out.
(Kerry) Nope didn’t do that either.
(Bush) Dodged the draft, then didn’t turn up for National Service.
(Kerry) Dropped out of school prior to the draft to vollunteer for combat.
(Bush) Bought some medals.
(Kerry) Won three purple hearts.
(Bush) Stayed out of politics until very recently.
(Kerry) Ran the anti-war campaign in the US after his war experiences.
(Bush) Supported by the Terminator (evil cyborg sent back to enslave mankind).
(Kerry) Supported by Presidents.

Now some partisan politics:
(Rep) Leaves 75% of the population without healthcare.
(Dem) Seeks to help those without healthcare.
(Rep) Let the economy slip, protectionism, extensive borrowing to fun tax cuts for only the richest americans.
(Dem) A policy of proportional taxation to help relieve burden on the system, while using sensible economics to bring the country back in line.
(Rep) Bang Bang solutions (oximoron).
(Dem) Negotiation.
(Rep) Guns are a right for everyone, they make the world safer don’t you know.
(Dem) Restrict guns which have no hunting purpose.
(Rep) We hate gays.
(Dem) Screw who you want.
(Rep) No abortion.
(Dem) It has to be the woman’s choice.

(Rep) No stem cell research.
(Dem) Whatever research is needed to improve the lives of the disabled.

You know you would have thought that hijacking plans would tell the Americans something about the world’s view…no. More killing, no negotation, that makes the whole world safer and more happy it is only logical that if I were to kill your brother who might be a terrorist that you will like me for it…right.

Apparently many Americans are excusing the Bush win by saying that we didn’t like Reagan either so there. Pardon? Are you trying to loose the discussion, Reagan couldn’t deal with more information than a single sheet of A4 in one go, hence the term Reagan Reports coming into play in the
white house. So he had more intelligence then Bush. But his massive expenditure on weapons programs can be seen to have won the cold war, because it was either that or WWIII in such a contest, the real irony is that the people who saved
the world from Reagan were communists like Gorbachev who saw the danger and decided to do something about it. There is a reason why he was known as Ray-Gun, the whole Star Wars program is his fault…guess what more missile defence has sparked the former communist powers to develop even more powerful missiles to deal with it…as if that wasn’t predictable. And in terms of Reagan’s idea of spreading liberal democracy, the forcable attempts to send it, contrary to the entire theory of liberal democracy, shows hipocrasy and has put many nations off democracy entirely.

Sod the UK’s special relationship with the US, if they can screw us over then they can go to hell, and they will. We need some power balance in the world, three possibilities exist: China develops even further and takes a role outside of asia, the USSR reforms due to Putin’s overt attempts to copy the system or the most sustainable one is a Federal Europe, we would be the one’s in power then, rather then hanging onto shoe-strings. But we cant do it by following the Americans, and by that I am not just refering to politically, our social collapse can be seen as the result of imported american liberalism we have to reject that and our incessant following of American culture otherwise we will remain reflections of their culture not our own.

I burn my little USA flag today, something I hope to do more of as time goes on. Four years ago I decided to give the Americans a final chance to show themselves as a developed nation, they messed up and my opinion of them is now deadset against their nature and properties.

Today has been a bad day for the US, the Democrats (the Republicans in the long-term), the UK and our special interest, my party, Page’s party, me, you the whole bloody world. Four years is a long time, people are already looking forward to 2008, this is the one occassion I am glad that Presidents are limited to two terms, but god knows if any of us will be around by then or if the world is the same. The world didn’t change on 9/11 the US simply
came to recognise the existance of it, don’t let their pain die, when it does they wont give a damn about any of us.

Sorry about ranting at people indiscriminately here but i am fucking angry, in general now, this was the result i expected but hope is necessary for people to not go insane. What was the famous line, “Damn you all to hell” they have destroyed themselves, but I remain sorry for them, for all of us, most importantly for me.


Please remove your feet from under my chair

well, your asking for a definition my loss but not yet found friend….it is simple, i have no idea what it means because, quite simply, we didn’t get round to it. There I was, sitting with my feet underneath the other Craig’s chair, and alas we stumbled upon a name, albeit an odd and somewhat misguided name, but it is a Name nonetheless. And it is one that we shall be proud to bear under the great banner which is the World Wide Web. Now as I am at a loss as to what to say, I bid you farewell, and wish you bon voyage on the long road ahead (why not).




well, ive just started a err live journal, and…well im kinda not very good at this, basically im hoping that people will put on ideas of funny stuff that i can put on my up and coming site…its going to be called “Please Remove Your Feet From Under My Chair” odd isnt it, but thats the idea, so any suggestion, can be about whatever you like, just keep em cuming